Fantasy Crisis Line




“Is….is…is this the Fantasy Crisis Line?”

“Uhhhhhhhhh huh huh huh huh huh…..uhhhhhh yeah……please state your fantasy crisis.”

“S-s-s….sometimes I wet the bed. Especially when I play the WHIGs.  It’s even worse in the playoffs! Is…is that normal? How long is it gonna last?? W-w-w…what happens when I get married?!”

“Heh….heh heh….heh heh heh heh….wait a sec….is…is this…is this Stewshirts? Is that you?? Hey Stewshirts!!”

“Oh no!!!”

🎵🎵 “Stewshirts wets his bedddd! Stewshirts wets his bedddd! 🎵🎵

🎵🎵 Da-na-na-na-naaa! Da-na-na-na-naaa!” 🎵🎵

**Voice in background** “Stewshirts! Oh Stewshirts honey! It’s time to take your Pepto! Your diarrhea was out of control last week!”


The righteous. The chosen. The WHIGs.

Here ye, noblemen, serfs, barons of the state and scribes of the church:

Salvation has been delivered.  I have seen The Lord, and He is a WHIG.  He descended upon me this morning while I was praying for the sins of The Establishment to be cleansed.  All of a sudden a thunderous blast parted the sky and He appeared in all his glory, more beautiful than Lincoln himself! “MY CHILDREN” he bellowed. “YOU ARE THE RIGHTEOUS.  THE CHOSEN.  THE ONES WHO WILL FUCK THE ESTABLISHMENT SIDEWAYS WITH A CHAINSAW.  THAT IS WHY I MADE THAT STAT CORRECTION.” I couldn’t believe my eyes! I always knew the WHIGS were the team of destiny but now I had proof.  God Himself had bestowed upon us His eternal blessing. “YOUR BURDEN SHALL NOT BE CARRIED IN VAIN.  YOUR PLIGHT WILL BE VINDICATED.  EVERYTHING YOU DO IS AWESOME AND ANYONE WHO DISAGREES IS A DILLHOLE.” I asked The Lord…”my father, what is my purpose? What is the meaning of this life?” God replied…”YOU ROAM THIS EARTH FOR ONE REASON: TO PURIFY THE DAMNED.  TO RESCUE THE UNCLEAN.  TO SPREAD THE GOSPEL OF THE WHIGS.  MY CHILDREN, YOU MUST SAVE THE ABFL FROM THE ESTABLISHMENT RATS.  DO NOT STOP UNTIL YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY TOTAL WHIGGERS.” The Lord then made it rain, as a Righteous God does, and told us to get some high-end hookers and go swimming in a pool full of blow.  God is good.

So you see….when you dissent with the WHIGs, you dissent with God Himself.  We have received The Word and been filled by The Ghost or something.  And now we must save your souls.  Make no mistake…when we die, we will be surrounded by riches and virgins in WHIG heaven…and you can be too! All you have to do is accept us as the class of the ABFL.  Because if you don’t, you will spend eternity in Establishment heaven, which is like the Panda Express of heavens. God told me so.  He said it was a complete shithole and the crab wontons gave Him the runs.

#WHIGway or the highway!

Why Whigs Win & Are Winners!!!

It is the eve before the kick off of what is expected to be the birth of a legendary dynasty. The likes of it has never been seen before its as if this team was crafted by fantasy gods that have risen from the depths to fight for freedom & fairness but most importantly is there slogan of #JustWin! It’s so simple so nonchalant, #JustWin pretty much says it all.  Why Whigs win? There are a million reasons why the Whigs win. One is there foundation a foundation built on amazing drafts, no nonsense trades, budgeting skills that CPA’s only dream of having, leadership skills most world leaders would love to have, understanding what needs to be understood, never backing down from a fight, & most importantly is there slogan of #JustWin. Why are all Whigs winners? There is a billion reasons why the Whigs are winners. To really answer this question you must first WIN! Whigs know nothing less then always winning at everything!! Whigs are winners because its in there blood, there DNA, the confidence of Whigs, there knowledge of everything fantasy, there will to win & the Slogan of #JustWin is the reason all Whigs are winners. To be a Whig you must take an orientation into the brotherhood of The Whig Lifestyle!!!

Best of Luck to you fools!! You might as well as make the check out to Hot Shot & Trigger for the next 10 years!!!!!



From Hot Shot & Trigger!!!!